Mokhtar Stork
THE NEED TO FORGIVE AND BE FORGIVEN
Old age has its blessings. It is a gift from Allah, an opportunity to reflect upon life. With age one matures and mellows. I am now 81, going on to 82 in February 2026, and I can say with sincerity and honesty that by the grace of Allah, I am not what I used to be to a great extent. I cannot say that I am perfect because no one is perfect.
You are what you are in accordance with your created state. Some are fortunate while others are not. Some are blessed while other have to strive. I was born during the Japanese occupation of Malaya in 1944. I was an abandoned orphaned taken in by my mother’s sister and raised without love and affection.
At the age of 18, I embraced Islam. My perception of God had changed but I was the same ‘distorted person’ due to my upbringing. It took me years of struggling within myself to bring about change. As such, people are not really bad just because you assume they are. They are what they are due to many external and environmental factors.
The mould we are made in makes us what we are. In a way, it was the way Allah intended us to be. But being what you are is not D-Day. Everyone, can strive to overcome any defective characteristic attribute he or she possesses. It may take years, but it can be achieved through patience, effort, and guidance. And if it cannot be achieved, treat it as the way Allah created you. He is ar-Rahman nir-Rahim, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful and full of Forgiveness towards those who have tried their best over every aspect of their existence.
As such, there is a need to forgive and to be forgiven in turn. Always look at the good in a person and overlook his/her weaknesses. Allah will not show you mercy until you extend it to others. Being rigid in life over dogmatic issues in Islam is a waste of time. However, helping a person to understand things better helps one become aware of another door to open in life. Over-righteousness is a disease. Most of the saints in Islam were sinners. Many were thieves and robbers. However, they all shared one common factor. They all possessed a moral conscience.
Therefore, when judging a person, it is important to look at what he/she was then and now. After doing so, take a good look at yourself. Do not despise a person just you considered what he did to be wrong when it has been permitted by Allah in the Qur’an. This happens to many who remarry again. Everyone is held responsible for their action by Allah and will be taken to account over them. Always remember that Allah forgives whom He pleases and punishes whom He pleases. Do take on the role of Allah, but rather be humble and forgiving.
GROWING UP
I left home at the age of 18. It was unbearable. I lived on my own in a rented room in Pudu, not far from Caxton Press, the place where I worked as a printing apprentice. I slept on a 'charpai' bed watchmen used in those days. I then embraced Islam. Later, I worked for Times Packaging Sdn. Bhd., a subsidiary of The Straits Times in Bangsar.
I have always been inclined towards contemplating on God. Even as a Christian before converting to Islam in 1960, I used to turn to just God. I had a great teacher in the village where I lived as a convert. He was a simple person, referred to as "Pak Lebai" in Kampung Hj. Abdullah Hukum, Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur. By profession, he was a watchman at the National Electrical City Board (LLN) along Jalan Bangsar. His name was Hj. Abdul Rahman and I am deeply indebted to him. Had he not indoctrinated me in Tawheed, I do not think I would have survived being a convert to Islam.
As his student, I spent two years studying nothing but Tawheed! Other students were studying Fiqh, Tasawwuf and other Traditional sciences. Through the good offices of PERKIM SELANGOR, my first wife and I had the opportunity to go for Hajj under Saudi sponsorship in the year 1975.
Pak Lebai indoctrinated me the belief that during Hajj (Pilgrimage to Makkah), I should not leave the Masjidal Haram after Solatul- Fajr (the early morning prayer) until the sun had risen. He said that if I did so, the Prophet Khidir or some Wali (Friend of God) would turn up. If I observed this without fail, I would get the opportunity to meet him, and on doing so could ask him for anything and it would be granted.
Performing Hajj then took forty days. Today, people just fly in and out within a week and they claim to be hajees! If performed tawaf (circumbulation of the Ka'bah) in 1975, you did so on a sandy pebbled surface and ended up with blisters on your feet. Today, it is all marbled.
At the age of 35, married with four children, I concluded that I would not survive working as a printer in the printing industry. At the time, I worked for Times Packaging Sdn Bhd., a subsidiary of The Straits Times. After performing Hajj, I had the opportunity of meeting Haji Talha, the director of JAIS (The Islamic Religious Department of Selangor), who offered me a job as a Converts’ Officer at the department.
AN EXCEPTIONAL EXPERIENCE
I spent 10 days obediently following Pak Lebai instructions. Every day, I would go up to the first floor after Fajr prayer to seek a place so that I could view the Ka'bah. I did not know how to recite the Qur'an and only a book in English on the Companions of the Prophet, which I used to read daily.
After 10 days of devout following, I came to the conclusion that it was not going to happened. The day I abandoned it, it took place. It happened out of the blue. There was a very strong gust of wind, like the flapping of wings, descending from the sky and the very next moment there was a person seated in front of me. I forgot everything my teacher had taught me. I became terrified. Was this Satan or a Jinn?
The person seated in front of me wore a beige jubah. He had rosy cheeks. His eyes were not ordinary eyes. They shone with light (nur). On hold his hand in the traditional Islamic greeting, I found it to be softer than the softest sponge I ever held.
I believe he spent not less than 20 minutes with me. I was speechless and all the while he just kept smiling at me. I was so terrified that I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears. In my heart, I kept seeking God's forgiveness continually.
I really did not know what to do, so I took out a handful of coins from my shirt pocket and gave it to him. He did not budge and just kept smiling and smiling. After, what appeared to eternity, he got up and began to walk away. He kept look over his shoulder at me smiling. There was a sudden change in his appearance. He now walked like a cripple. His left arm was crooked. I watched him walk away from me to disappear behind two pillars away from me.
I gathered my wits and got up and took a diagonally path so that I could see whether he was still there behind the pillar. There was no one present. I looked around me. There was no one present at the time except for a single mosque cleaner.
On returning home to Malaysia, I informed Pak Lebai of what had taken place and he replied that I was unfortunate. It was the divine will of God. To this date I do not know who that person was. It did not strike my mind to ask Shahidullah Faridi about it when I became his murid in 1976.
MEETING SHAHIDULLAH FARIDI
When I first came into the presence of Shahidullah Faridi, in 1976, in Karachi, Pakistan, the first thing he asked me was whether I knew anything about Tasawwuf. I replied that what I knew came from books. I then asked to become his murid to which he replied that I should attend his classes and later he would decide to accept me or not.
He then made mention of the three requests I had continually made during Hajj. He said that the first two have been granted and I was now fulfilling the the third. I wondered how did he come to know all this because I did not recall mentioning it to anyone on my arrival in Pakistan.
My supplications during Hajj were: The first, to quit being a printer. I realised that I was not made out for that kind of job. I wanted to be an Islamic preacher working at the state religious department (JAIS). The second request dealt with going abroad to study Islam, to become a qualified scholar of Islam, and the third, to achieve spiritual success.
A week later, he accepted me as his murid. I went through an initiation process referred to in Sufi circles as "taking the pledge" or "bai'at". On returning home that night, while asleep, I went through a series of convulsions. My whole body went through a series of jerks and realignments. On meeting Shahidullah the following week, I asked him about it. He smiled. (He had a great smile. I remember it to this very day). He said, "Even God has a use for old machines." I started out as a Maududi follower but on become Shahidullah's murid underwent a total transformation.
MY SHAYKH WAS "JALAL"
Hadrat Shahidullah was a man of "Jalal" (Majesty). Every time, I turned up for Halaqah Zikr (weekly zikr sessions led by Hadrat, i noticed nobody talked. Everyone turning up sat in the hall of his rented house without uttering a word, and whenever he came down from his room on the first floor, everyone automatically stood up. He used to signal them to sit down but everyone just stood there until he sat down.
His presence dominated those present. Even when I met him or attend his class on Wednesdays for murids from Jamiyah Aleemiyah where I studied, I would often come with a lot of questions in my mind but never get to express them because in the course of his discussions, they would be answered by him during his talk.
I always admired him from distance. His hair and beard would seem to change colour whenever I was in his presence. It would sometimes look blond and at other times look silver. I was so spell-bound in his presence, that I could hardly utter a word.
However, I have witnessed occasions when senior murids from his inner circle, seek immediate answers to their pressing problems. I recall one person doing so. His name was Anees (I hope I spelt his name right). He wore thick lenses which made his eyes look small from the outside. Apparently, he was facing a business crisis and wanted advice. He was quite imposing. I noticed Hadrat's complexion change colour. He closed his eyes in contemplation and the lights in the hall immediately started to blink. Even the ceiling fan began to stop and then restart again. There was a lapse in time for around ten minutes before Hadrat opened his eyes and then told the Anees what to do. There were beads of sweat on his forehead and his complexion from dark pink returned back to normal. It was a sight to behold.
I used to attend Wednesday sessions for murids from Jamiyah Aleemiyah at Hadrat's home. I used to take the bus from Block B, North Nazimabad where Jamiyah Aleemiyah was located to Saddar, the city centre. I would then go through the bazaar to admire the women there having bangles fitted onto their hands. On one occasion, on turning up Hadrat said, "Do not waste your time in the bazaar!" I never did that again.
Suleiman Peterson of Cape Town, was my senior at Aleemiyah Jamiyah. He was also a senior murid of Hadrat. He was an imposing person and being what I am by nature, I could not put up with him. During that era, Bhutto was about to be hanged. I was not a fan of Bhutto, neither was I interest in the politics of Pakistan. However, Suleiman used the name of Hadrat to enforce his point of view. I refused and went about seeking an appointment with Hadrat to raise it up.
I was granted an audience and on turning up, I mentioned what Suleiman had said. I said that "you had said that...." By Allah, I swear to you, I did not realise the impact my behaviour would have. Hadrat's face immediately turned red! The lights blinked furiously and the fan even stopped for a minute or two. I felt so small in his presence. I wondered over what had I done.
Immediately, within a space of minutes, Hadrat returned to his normal self. He turned to me and said, "Acha (Well, O I see): Don't waste your time with this. You came to study Islam. I will pray to God that you and Suleiman get closer..." I was then invited to dinner by Hadrat. I had hoped that Hadrat to have a word with Suleiman about the subject but instead Hadrat said he would pray that we both got closer. Z. Bhutto was hanged on 4 April, 1979.
When I reflect upon that event now, I realise that I had made a terrible mistake. I had offended and hurt my Shaykh. I believe that he was indeed upset with me over my inability to contain my ‘nafs’ (ego). I have and continue to seek his forgiveness to this very day over my conduct. Being a person of such great stature, I believe that he has never abandoned me, because, prior to his demise, he smilingly said to me, "Haji Mokhtar, you are going to miss me."
MIRACLES
I usually return home just before Ramadhan because Jamiyah Aleemiyah takes a break from studies. On one such occasion, Hadrat said to me, "In the event you face turbulence during your flight back home, put your forefinger in your mouth and then write: La ila-ha-il-lallah Muhammadar-Rasulullah on the porthole of the plane."
As it so happened, my flight back on an Aeroflot was really bad. I am terrified of flying and the slightest turbulence freaks me out. The plane was full of Malaysians studying in Britain. They were boisterous but when the plane started losing height due to air pockets and turbulence, there was total silence. My feet were trembling. It was then that I remembered what Hadrat had said. I wrote the Kalima Shahadah on the window pane and the plane immediately stabilised. The weather outside remained the same but the plane continued on its journey without any disturbance.
On returning back to Pakistan after Eidul Fitr, I visited Hadrat. He said, "Mokhtar do not always write those words when in flight... do you know why?" "No Hadrat," I replied. Hadrat said, "The farmers below depend on the rain to water their crops and your action prevents them from doing so. Only do so in really bad situations." "Yes, Hadrat," I replied. It still works for me to this day. It may not do for you because you did not receive it.
On another occasion, I was extremely worried because I had not received any news from home. On meeting Hadrat, I mentioned it to him. He meditated for a while the usual way he does, and after a few minutes said, "Acha, you will receive something in a few days’ time." I did receive a packet from home two days later. It contained a tape recording. The information on it covered news for a month! My wife had decided to use a cassette to record information concerning the family and other matters related to me. On another occasion, when asked about what happened to Hussein, the grandson of the Prophet (s.a.w.), he went into a 'state' of deep insight in silence and after maybe ten minutes, returned to describe every detail of the events leading to Hadrat Hussein's death. I witnessed this on many occasions.
SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT
My spiritual journey has been a long one. It was intended in this manner, and it has enabled me to not only redeem myself to a great extent, but also to become a far better person than I was at the onset of life. At the age of 81 now, going on to become 82 this March (2026), enlightenment has finally begun to set in. The realisation that nothing exists but Allah and that there is no power greater than His. He is within you, outside of you, everywhere and in everything. The whole Creation is a manifestation of His Divine Names and Attributes. Everything has been set in place. The only way one can change his destiny is by turning to Him. You cannot remove a tiger's stripes but you can tame the tiger (within you, your 'nafs').
The day, you wake up to the reality that He is the One that moves you in life, you cease to conduct your life and actions as if they belong to you. It is said that Hadrat Shahidullah Faridi pointed out that the greatest miracle is not walking on water, but staying firm on the Path (Istiqamah), while the world around you is in chaos. If you desire to draw closer to Allah (nearer to Him), be prepared to face all kinds of trials and tribulations. Never, complain. If you do so the ‘veil’ will not be removed from you. Allah 'hears', 'sees' and 'knows', so just what are you going to complain to Him about, that He already knows about, and in fact caused it to take place.
It never easy to go through a ‘disturbing’ moment. As humans, we are prone to being upset, expressive, but once things have settled, and the realisation that everything begins and ends with Him, your submission to His decision, involves seeking His forgiveness, mercy, kindness, love and affection, brings about calmness to the storm.
All these realisations arise from the constant ‘Remembrances of Allah’ (Zikr). Without this foundation, self-annihilation will not become entrenched permanently. Having a true shaykh is indeed a blessing. Only when Self-Annihilation of the self takes hold and when Allah becomes sufficient, will you no longer become a ‘beggar’ knocking at His Door but a guest at His table.
When your heart is constantly in a state of Zikr (even when you are involved in worldly matters), your ‘Remembrances of Allah’ – your very heart beat become a continuous petition. You don't need to formulate words because your "state" (Hal) is speaking for you. Previously, your ego stood between your desires and Allah. Every act on your part was accompanied with an expectation, which seldom was granted because it was corrupt and not sincere (Ikhlas). By resigning your own will to not what you want, but what He wants out of you, you will be able to remove the false pillars you installed within you.
Being saved from trials is Allah’s way of reminding one of who is in charge. It is a way of cleaning an instrument. Every Silsilah protects a heart that has surrendered, ensuring it isn't damaged by unnecessary worldly friction. Being in a state of Constant Gratitude (Shukr): The state of deep, quiet gratitude, dispels the notion that you achieved it, but rather that it was Allah who bestowed it upon you. He is always the Bestower, the Giver, while you are the receiver. The ‘servant’ always remains a ‘servant’. The Prophet (s.a.w.) used to take pride in being “His Servant and then His Rasul.”
Hadrat Shahidullah Faridi (1915 - 1978) 
(@Mokhtar Stork: photo of Harun and Tariq Nazir)
(@Mokhtar Stork: photo of Harun and Tariq Nazir)
HADRAT AND DIRECTION
When Hadrat Shahidullah Faridi appeared to me in a dream during my early years of turmoil as a murid, he instructed me "stick with him and forget the rest." I realise this now as his way of re-establishing the direct Nisbat (connection). In the spiritual realm, the Murshid is not limited by physical demise. If the living link becomes complicated or obscured, the Ruhaniyat (spirituality) of the Shaykh can reach back to claim the Murid.
